Your self-esteem - what you think of yourself in relation to other people - is the basic secret of your success or failure in life.
It's really as simple as that... Think well of yourself, and you'll do well. Think disparagingly of yourself, and you'll probably not do very well at all .
Regardless of whether you're the perpetrator or the victim, the experience of going through a divorce is going to damage your self-esteem. In fact, the blow dealt to one's self-esteem by divorce is lethal enough to drive anyone to the brink of insanity.
What you must do is think of your divorce - the end of your marriage - as you would the death of a loved one. Basically, that's what it is!
There is a period of burial or of letting go; a period of feeling guilty because you didn't do or say all the things you might have; a period of anger because it didn't work out the way you dreamed it would; a period of reconciliation in which you think maybe if you try again, it'll all work out; and finally, a period of acceptance.
Everyone who has ever been through a divorce or is still recovering from one, has either lived through each of these "recovery stages," or is still in one of them. It's all normal, and a part of the necessary healing that has to take place before you are able to recognize and enjoy happiness again.
Even so, the most important and the very first thing you must do following the break-up of any kind of relationship, is to get started on the rebuilding of your self-esteem.
This means that you have to accept the fact that neither you or anyone else is perfect - determine that you will learn from your mistakes - and that you will become whatever it is you aspire to be...
Immediately, do something that makes you feel good - something you've been wanting to do for some time - or always wanted to do. This could be getting a new hair-do, buying a new suit, enrolling in a special self-improvement course, starting a business, or even taking an extended vacation.
You mustn't lock yourself in your house or apartment. You mustn't be afraid to get out and associate with people. You mustn't stop wanting to enjoy life!
You may have to force yourself, but you must "forget" about mourning your loss and continue on with your life. You must go on with your life with a stronger determination than ever, to be the person you want to be. Don't "beat yourself over the head" with feelings of guilt. Get rid of your anger as quickly as possible. Forget about the past. Get on with the rest of your life without delay!
Revitalize those ambitions that have been "hidden away" in the back of your mind, and consider this particular time in your life as an opportunity for a new start. Do some introspection relative to what it is you want out of life; reorganize your time and efforts to attain those objectives; and go for it with all you've got!
After all has been said and done, the kind of person you are and how you get along in the world you live in, is up to you. The most powerful assistance for attaining happiness anyone has, is in what he or she says, feels, and believes about himself or herself. When things are not quite right, the first thing that needs to be changed is your disposition - your attitude, feelings towards other people, and your emotional responses. Think about your facial expressions and the tone of your voice when you're talking with other people. Being aware of these things with consideration towards other people, will "bring you out of your-self" and allow other people to want to know more about you.
You have to forget about, and let go of, the past. Anything and everything that happened yesterday is long gone and cannot be changed. You have the rest of your life from this moment on, to achieve love - happiness - fame and fortune.
Whatever it is you want in life can be yours. All that's necessary to make any dream come true is a true understanding of what you want, and determination on your part to make it all happen according to your plan. Think about what you want - prepare yourself to get it - focus your efforts on the fulfillment of your ambitions - and there's nothing that can stop you from total realization!
So, the first thing relative to rebuilding one's self-esteem - following a divorce, or the loss of a loved one by any circumstances - is to understand why you hurt, and what is necessary in order to be happy again. It essential that you think of YOURSELF in terms of the kind of life you want for yourself; know that you can have it all because you've laid the foundation, done your homework, and you're on a positive road towards achievement; and then get busy "making tracks" in that direction.
In simple terms - it hurts, but you're not dead - you're only wasting time thinking about or rehashing the past because there's no way anything that happened yesterday or the day before can be changed - so quickly pick up the pieces, and get on with your life!
Wanting to "get well," and/or to "make something out of your life," is half the battle!
There is no greater emotional pain that can be inflicted upon a woman than the announcement by her husband that he wants a divorce.
There is no greater emotional pain that can be inflicted upon a man than the announcement by his wife that she wants a divorce.
The big thing about going through the experience of a divorce is that it leaves you completely worn out and drained of desire to go on with your life. Typically, divorces shatter the hopes and dreams - the ambitions - of both parties involved.
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Regaining one's self-confidence following a divorce is not an easy thing to do. As we've stated in all the previous articles within this series of reports on how to recover from a divorce, the blow to your inner-being is traumatic and long-lasting.
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